hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm at about main and main street
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
