Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
