It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
