I wish I could teleport
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
