I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
