yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
