better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
