He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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