are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
