so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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