Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
