And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
