quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
