Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
