I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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