I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
