Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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