there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
