I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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