I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
