I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
