it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
