its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
