I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
