i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
