I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Green mimosas i think yes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
