Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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