I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
