It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
