i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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