And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
