Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
