Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
