Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
