i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
only you would photoshop your dick
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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