just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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