someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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