It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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