the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
