This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
