took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
