Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
