I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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