The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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