my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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