just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
