Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize