i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
