There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
