Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
