Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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