is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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