I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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