The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
