Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
