with your own penis?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
