You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
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Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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