This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
