I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
