Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
