that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
