On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
