u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
