why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't notice because vodka
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
