Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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