Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
